Have you seen it? There's a new Jenny Craig ad recreating a scene from CHEERS. Kirstie looks fantastic, by the way. As does the replica of the bar. As a longtime CHEERS writer, a number of you have asked how I would have written the commercial. So I took a stab at it. My guess is they wouldn't use my version for fifty different reasons, but here it is -- following the commercial itself.


INT. BAR -- DAY

NORM AND CLIFF ARE IN THEIR USUAL SPOTS. REBECCA ENTERS LOOKING VERY HOT.

REBECCA: Look who’s back!

NORM: Diane, you’ve gained weight.

CLIFF: No, that’s Rebecca.

NORM: Oh. I can’t see that far anymore.

REBECCA: Fifty pounds down thanks to Jenny Craig.

CLIFF: Last time I saw a beauty like you, I was…

NORM: Stalking Olivia Munn.

CLIFF: Delivering her mail at 4 a.m.

REBECCA: My personal consultant Laura is just like you guys.

NORM: You have a diet consultant who looks like us?

REBECCA: Oh, and I love the yummy foods. I don’t have to count, track, or worry. And no empty calories.

NORM: I hate empty calories too. (holds out empty mug) That's why I go to Jenny Keg.

REBECCA RE-FILLS HIS MUG. 

REBECCA: A moment can change your whole life at Jenny Craig’s.

ANNOUNCER: Try us free for a month plus the cost of food. And get fifty dollars in food savings.

CLIFF: Y’know, it’s a little known fact that Jenny Craig was a hermaphrodite.

NORM: Shut up, Cliff.